TREE ON A CANAL 
DISC EAUIPMENT...GETTING READY FOR WINTER WHEAT
BACK-SIDE OF DISC EQUIPMENT
GOLDEN WHEAT ON A DESOLATE ROAD
With mixed emotions, I sit in a motel room in Pocatello, Idaho. I am not altogether pleased with how I arrived here.
I have been quite open that I have not been able to walk in a straight line; i.e., because of the Van logistic, I chose to walk from the Van for 5 miles or so and return to the Van, crediting my walk with 10 miles. Then repeating the process in the other direction.
True, I walk all the miles between Point A and Point B, but in my eyes, I am cheating...I am NOT walking every step to Key West...I miss some actual roadway because I am doubling other sections of that same road. I have trouble with that. I am working much too hard to have my effort go swirling down the drain because of my decision that I need support...none coming forward, I have selected my own support; i.e., the Van.
Ray Brown is pushing his cart EVERY MILE. In the past 3 days I have seen the same bicyclist riding thru the towns I walk. Today, as I entered Pocatello, there he was along side US 30 looking at a map. I am certain he, too, pedals EVERY MILE.
My anger is not that I do not walk the miles...it is that I have not walked EVERY MILE. For crying out loud...here I am 75 and punching out 30 to 40 miles a day and capable of MUCH more. Ill be damned if I'll let it go for naught because of my logistic decision.
Beginning tomorrow, as I walk out of Pocatello into the Rocky Mountains, I WILL walk EVERY MILE. I cannot retrace my last 2 week efforts, but I can see that I walk the way a cross-country walker is expected to walk...EVERY BLOODY MILE.
I have an idea how to do that...solo, without help. We shall see...
Today, I walked two sessions. First session was for 14 miles up and over two difficult hills in the wheat / potato fields on a road I later found out was headed to Salt Lake City...my big goof. Do I count those miles?
Second session was legit, walking out of American Falls, Idaho for another 7 miles and back to American Falls. Yes, cheating by my own definition, but did walk 24 miles by 11 am this morning.
Was so angry with my self imposed CHEAT, that I drove into Pocatello, took a room, washed dirty clothes, took a shower, and berated myself for being so bloody stupid. I cannot change what has been. I can only change the moment and all moments to come.
I apologize to one and all for my delusion...it was meant in good faith...it was faulty. How many times in that other life have I done much the same thing, often hurting most the ones I love and respect most.
That will not happen again.
I have been quite open that I have not been able to walk in a straight line; i.e., because of the Van logistic, I chose to walk from the Van for 5 miles or so and return to the Van, crediting my walk with 10 miles. Then repeating the process in the other direction.
True, I walk all the miles between Point A and Point B, but in my eyes, I am cheating...I am NOT walking every step to Key West...I miss some actual roadway because I am doubling other sections of that same road. I have trouble with that. I am working much too hard to have my effort go swirling down the drain because of my decision that I need support...none coming forward, I have selected my own support; i.e., the Van.
Ray Brown is pushing his cart EVERY MILE. In the past 3 days I have seen the same bicyclist riding thru the towns I walk. Today, as I entered Pocatello, there he was along side US 30 looking at a map. I am certain he, too, pedals EVERY MILE.
My anger is not that I do not walk the miles...it is that I have not walked EVERY MILE. For crying out loud...here I am 75 and punching out 30 to 40 miles a day and capable of MUCH more. Ill be damned if I'll let it go for naught because of my logistic decision.
Beginning tomorrow, as I walk out of Pocatello into the Rocky Mountains, I WILL walk EVERY MILE. I cannot retrace my last 2 week efforts, but I can see that I walk the way a cross-country walker is expected to walk...EVERY BLOODY MILE.
I have an idea how to do that...solo, without help. We shall see...
Today, I walked two sessions. First session was for 14 miles up and over two difficult hills in the wheat / potato fields on a road I later found out was headed to Salt Lake City...my big goof. Do I count those miles?
Second session was legit, walking out of American Falls, Idaho for another 7 miles and back to American Falls. Yes, cheating by my own definition, but did walk 24 miles by 11 am this morning.
Was so angry with my self imposed CHEAT, that I drove into Pocatello, took a room, washed dirty clothes, took a shower, and berated myself for being so bloody stupid. I cannot change what has been. I can only change the moment and all moments to come.
I apologize to one and all for my delusion...it was meant in good faith...it was faulty. How many times in that other life have I done much the same thing, often hurting most the ones I love and respect most.
That will not happen again.
Bruce...
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up. Who cares if you walk EVERY BLODDY MILE? Get over that already. I doubt anybody cares if you don't physically take every step. You should do what is reasonable and enjoy the trip for what it SHOULD BE and that is the adventure of a lifetime. Should you find a critic or two who fault you for not taking every step simply tell them to do better or stick it where the sun don't shine!
Guy & Patti
Bruce, No need to apologize. The only person who would fault you is yourself. You have a loyal following who admire you and what you are doing. Forwards, backwards or sideways, it doesn't matter to any of us. Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is wonderful. You are a hero to me.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Tom