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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

HEAVY HEART

I have been unfair to nearly everyone who follows my Blog.

Tomorrow, I - We - return to Denver, take a day out with my Niece, and the next day, continue walking to Key West.

Nothing has changed regarding the walk.

What has changed, however, is the image created by an old man doing some unusual walking.

All my life, I have tended to be overly self-critical and inflict punishment - mental and physical - on myself for perceived shortcomings. I know very well this is not a healthy thing to do, but it is nevertheless, what I have lived with. This walk is a type of punishment.

For whatever reason, I am relentless in my demands upon myself to achieve the utmost...sometimes approaching carelessness - recklessness, NO...carelessness, YES. Thankfully, my body keeps me in check AND I LISTEN TO IT.

We (my body, SAM and ME) have been lauded often enough to realize that we do...like it or not... have effect on others by what we do and say. Because of that, we feel an obligation to come clean...to let all know that we are just normal beings trying to find our place in our environment.

We consider long and hard about decisions and options available to us - sometimes we do not even know what options ARE available - and we try to make the correct decisions. Sometimes - oftentimes, we fail to do so.

We have our heartaches and shortcomings just like everyone else. We often hurt those we care about, and come Hell or High Water, cannot help ourselves.

There is nothing magic (magical, perhaps, but Not magic) about our walk. We have trained, mentally walked the entire way a number of times, and now that we are in the midst of that walk, try to keep it honest and report the way it really is. Sometimes we fail to do that.

We will soon, once again, be looking down endless highways into the unknown. As we find what is there, we will do our best to share it in our Blog.

We appreciate and value the response(s), feedback, and encouragement we receive, take them ALL to heart and really do try to be empathetic about them. Forgive us when we come up short.

A bit of remorse may be detected in these words. They are real and so is the remorse.

We - I - will catch tomorrow's airplane with a heavy heart knowing that some have not been fulfilled by us. They will be on our minds every step we take, grateful to be where we are, doing what we do, and try to earn the right to continue.

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